Courtship and dating are some of the least discussed topics in the church. Yet dating has caused the most havoc, destroyed countless lives, resulted in unwanted pregnancies and abortions, and even split churches apart. Since most of the church doesn't teach on this subject, a vacuum exists resulting in our teenagers adopting the worldview of popular culture. This has led many church youth groups to become havens for dating and premarital sex.
I am attempting to give some biblical clarity on this all-important subject for the sake of our local churches and for the sanctity and safety of the next generation who will soon have their own families. The following are guidelines that best fit young people but many of the principles still apply to older and more mature single adults looking for a mate. Dating I have taught each of my five children the difference between dating and courtship.
Dating is an unbiblical method crafted by the world with no boundaries or ethics with the following assumed rules and values:. Get Spirit-filled content delivered right to your inbox!
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Although the above three points are generalizations, they are true depictions of most cases regarding dating; its devastating results on the human soul cannot be fully measured! Even worse, the double-mindedness that results from numerous sexual encounters with various What is the biblical purpose of dating carries into future relationships and even marriage.
This is because of What is the biblical purpose of dating soul ties that have been developed, increasing the chances one's marriage will end in adultery and divorce, which drags down children and creates generational curses due to family fragmentation.
It is amazing that most churches and youth groups do not speak about this in their discipleship processes! Every pastor should have church guidelines that include boundaries for how their youth groups should be conducted. Every youth pastor should be trained on the difference between the worldly concept of dating and the biblical concept of courtship. Although the Bible does not lay out specifics regarding courtship, since some of the biblical marriages were arranged by families for example, the Old Testament patriarch Isaac and his wife Rebecca were brought together supernaturally by God with the order of Abrahamwhen we piece together all the principles of Scripture we have a good plan for courtship.
Courtship based on the biblical model of love, romance, sacrifice, dignity, and covenant implies the following about how two people could begin a process that may eventually lead to marriage: Pre-Courtship Stage A person should not even begin to look for a mate unless they are adequately prepared for the responsibilities of marriage and family, and are themselves emotionally healthy and spiritually mature When two emotionally needy people get together in marriage it is usually a disaster.
Go on group dates to get to know the other person or work with them in some meaningful innocuous way. This will enable the development of a deep friendship to help discern the will of God before beginning the process of committing to each other more formally. Part of discerning the will of God is judging whether or not the other person meets the biblical criteria and qualifications of being a good mate, being able to raise children, and being a family leader. Attraction should never be only physical.
Based on 1 Thessalonians 5: That is to say, a person needs to What is the biblical purpose of dating the criteria in each of these three areas. For example, it is a huge mistake to marry a person because they are strong spiritually when not attracted to them physically. Or, it is a mistake to marry a person for their personality when their spiritual life is a mess, etc.
Courtship Stage Two people who have confirmed it is the will of God for them to be together should begin a process of spending time together. They should make a covenant together before God involving strict guidelines for not having physical contact or being alone where they can fall into sexual sin, and walking in the light and having open communication with one another.
This process should involve marital counseling conducted by older, successful married couples What is the biblical purpose of dating spiritual depth and experience in raising strong families.
At some point, the man should formerly ask the woman's father, parent, or relevant guardian for permission to marry the woman before he officially proposes to her. Both families should get to know each other since marriage also unites two families, not just two people.
Money should be set aside during the engagement, and jobs and education should be already secured.
This is so the focus of the first few years of marriage is on building the relationship rather than on the distractions that come from financial stress, education, and other things that can destroy a relationship. Monies should be channeled for life together more than on the one-time wedding ceremony.
If you don't have the money, be simple and modest with excellence on your wedding day. Don't overdo it and go into huge debt!